Why you can’t have a healthy relationship until you are happy with yourself

One thing you simply cannot ignore about your relationship is that there is another person in your life. Your partner is someone you have to care for, think about regularly, support and comfort. If you are not fulfilling these duties, your partner will feel neglected and hurt. Relationships can feel strained when you are neither confident in yourself nor feel personal self-worth. This is when you might feel overly dependent on a relationship, have low self-esteem and experience anxiety. So, what can you do when you feel yourself
slipping into this pattern of emotional outbursts, self-doubt and dependency? Take time to self-reflect on your own life goals and ambitions. If tomorrow your partner was out of the equation, would you still feel content in the other areas of your life? If your goal is to look and feel healthier, set aside the time to exercise, meditate and eat well. If your goal is to switch jobs, start meeting with recruiters and networking. Making strides in your own life will allow you to be more present for someone else. Feeling emotionally dependent on your partner is comparable to that dreadful feeling of heartbreak when a relationship collapses. That pressure you experience on your chest feels permanent and emotionally, you feel confused and overwhelmed. You constantly feel hopeless and alone, even when your partner is in the room. It is as if nothing anyone says or does is enough. This is because nothing anyone does can give you enough unless you feel love for yourself. Your relationship will improve when you emit confidence and positive energy. When you feel valuable, it draws people in closer. When you feel down, depressed and low about yourself, it automatically drives people away.

You can even do an experiment in your own relationship. Next time you feel elated or proud of yourself, observe how your partner acts toward you. I guarantee you will notice a difference. It is important to note that it is okay and healthy to somewhat rely on your partner, as you are a team and should work through issues together. When you are upset, angry or feel self-conscious, it is part of your partner’s job description to help support you as best as he or she can. Not only is it the obligation of your partner, but it should also be a role he or she is more than happy to play. If you can’t rely on your partner to a certain degree, how can it be considered a loving relationship? You are basically friends with benefits. When you are in a relationship, it is okay to be vulnerable because you know your partner will be there for you and will not turn away when you are at your lowest. The lines then blur between feeling happy and independent while relying on your partner for support. So, how can we better understand this relationship? Think of it like this: First, you are happy on your own. You feel comfortable in your own skin and confident about your ambitions and goals. Now, your partner enters into the picture. There is certainly an adjustment period, where you learn how to expose your inner thoughts and depend on someone other than yourself. After a while, you should feel even more comfortable in our own skin and more ambitious and goal oriented. It should be the cherry on top of your already-delicious sundae. If you start from there, you will have a healthy foundation on which to build a mutually-supportive relationship. Ideally, your partner, whom you love and care about, will ride alongside you on your path to success. In turn, you will support your partner to fulfill his or her own life ambitions.


– Rachel Hoffman/EliteDaily